But or And Sermon, Jim Burklo, Sausalito Presbyterian Church 7-17-05
(A skit in the church, on the front altar: BUT speaks and withdraws from the communion table. AND speaks and approaches it.)
“I love you – BUT your habits annoy me to distraction.”
“I love you very much, AND because I do, I’d like to work with you on our mutually annoying habits.”
“I love you – BUT you are too fat or too thin or too poor or too rich or too imperfect or too perfect for me.”
“I love you, AND I accept everything about you, AND I want to join you in growing and changing in positive ways.”
“I would help you with your problem, BUT I’m way too busy right now.”
“I’m busy with a project right now, AND when I’m done I will give you a hand.”
“When you get sick, our insurance will cover you, BUT if you lose your job because you are sick and can't pay for the insurance anymore, you will be uninsured and your assets will be wiped out.”
“Someday we'll all have health insurance when we get sick, AND we'll all stay insured if we lose our jobs because we're sick.”
“I’ll follow you, Jesus, BUT it's just too much to ask me to give up my status or my privilege or my comforts when following you leads to such sacrifices.”
“I’ll follow you, Jesus, AND that means I’m willing to risk it all for the sake of divine love, AND I hope you’ll be there for me when the going gets tough.”
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Jesus had a simple test to see if a person was a candidate for his inner circle of most dedicated followers. It was to find out whether they were AND people or BUT people. The AND people were like the fishermen, James and John. When Jesus invited them to follow his path, they simply dropped their nets, left them behind, AND followed him. But when Jesus offered the same invitation to the others in this story we read this morning, they said “Yes, BUT.... – I have to do this or that before I can follow you.”
Now we can ask a pretty appropriate question – were James and John and the other disciples responsible people? A wandering holy man comes along and these AND people quit their jobs and leave their families, on the spot. Without giving Jesus any background check, without reading his resume, they follow him. They were focused on adding themselves to Jesus’ followers, and not concerned at all with what they would have to subtract in order to do that. At least the BUT people had the good practical sense to hesitate, consider what they would have to subtract, what they’d have to give up, and then go home and tidy up their affairs, before committing to be Jesus’ disciples. To the BUT people, Jesus said, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." When Roberta and I were in Peru visiting her son Nick who is in the Peace Corps there, he pointed out some fields which he had helped to till. This is third world agriculture – with bulls pulling wooden plows on steep hillsides. Nick reported to us that it is quite an art to plow a straight furrow – it takes all your attention and plenty of muscle-power to keep the plow pointed in the right direction. Jesus was saying that if you put your hand to the plow, you better be looking ahead, not behind. No time for BUT’s – a big strong bull is pulling the plow, the dirt is sliding over the plowshare, and there’s no time to look or go back. Jesus was on an urgent mission, and for his core team of disciples he needed AND people, not BUT people.
I suppose each of us is a mix of AND and BUT. A mix of the exuberant urge to embrace, to add ourselves to others and to add others to us, and of the fearful hesitancy that we might lose who we are or what or who we have. A mix of willingness to go for it, to risk for the sake of love and creativity, and of cautious consideration of what might be lost in the risk. The walk of faith, the road of Jesus, is just this: to turn all our BUT’s into AND’s.
My wife and I have been dithering for months about whether or not we should move into the house she so beautifully remodeled in Mill Valley. For months, we were BUT people. Our conversations went something like this: We like our new house BUT we can’t afford it. We like our new house BUT our rent in Sonoma is so cheap. We like our new house BUT it’s way too small. We went around and around about it, stewing on it, over and over, and after a while we got sick and tired of being stuck on our BUT’s! So we decided to move – to put our hands to the plow, so to speak – and keep our eyes aimed ahead – and take our chances and go for it. We like our new house AND we’re going to try to make it work financially. We like our new house AND we will rise to the challenge. We like our new house AND we are going to find a way to fit ourselves and some of our belongings into it, and get rid of the rest. We feel differently now that we’ve made up our minds – it feels really good, even though all the issues about the house are just the same as they were when we were stuck on our BUT’s!
So often we poison relationships with BUT’s. It’s tough to work for a boss who has a BUT about you. Even if you earned the BUT! Most of us have had to deal with this at some point in our working lives. Your boss says, or implies, that he or she accepts you and your work BUT thinks you are too slow, or you are not capable enough, or you are not aggressive enough at sales, or you are too aggressive, or you are not up to speed at your tasks, or you know too much, or that you are too shy or too outgoing. Your boss may not say the word BUT. But you can feel it!
And you can also feel it when your boss has an AND for you instead of a BUT. What a difference it makes if your boss lets you know he or she appreciates your work, and appreciates you, AND wants to help you do an even better job by coaching you with new skills and approaches that you may need.
Kids are very sensitive to the difference between BUT and AND. If they feel their parents’ love for them is conditional – if it is stuck on one BUT or another – they will feel less emotionally secure. If kids feel their parents love them absolutely unconditionally, and if there are problems, they will love them AND help them solve the problems, they will be more likely to thrive as they bask in this unconditional love. Think of the difference: “I love you, son, BUT you aren’t working hard enough at school.” The challenge of parenthood is to turn that BUT into an AND: “I love you, son, AND if there’s some help you need to do better in school, let’s talk about it.”
Faith is the conviction that there is hardly a BUT that can’t be turned into an AND.....